Paradise Lost? Advise Found

Help me please my data’s fried

My manager is fuming

My users just cannot get in

Its very time-consuming

Resources have all gone to pot

My memory has amnesia

The processor is eaten up

And the network is freezing!

Our data feeds are going slow

And inserts do not happen

Our dashboards are not up to date

Yeah – Someone’s for a slappin’

Infrastructure took a look,

And bought some new equipment

They assured me things would go

At lightspeed, in an instant

We got a team and hauled it in

New servers, SAN and Rack

We moved the database and app

Improvement? – not jack.

Infrastructure bought some more

Disks, solid state and all

And memory, upgraded to the max

Things better? Not at all

Ah now they said, we have instead

Bought Fusion IO

They  plugged it in, it was a SIN

Performance gain? NO

They asked their devs to take a look

They said it was the SQL

And that it was above their heads

So then they called us people

In we went to take a look

Your database size?, we asked

There was a pause, a big deep breath

A GIGABYTE they gasped

Quite curiously, I gazed

Upon their stored procedure

It was quite long, I will admit

I nearly had a seizure!

With UDF’s, temp tables

And cursors abounding

Trigger-Happy to be sure

It really was astounding!

I took a look at their IO

T’was something like the matrix

Covering Indexes? Not a one

The scanning was CRAZY!

Non-sargable, crossed numa nodes

Blown cache, both plan and dough

A total mess – is this a test?

It really can’t be so!

Using Dynamic SQL doesn’t always perform

And no param’s is not the norm!

So what to do that is the question?

Maybe they’d take a small suggestion?

When your data fits on a memory stick

More hardware’s unlikely to do the trick!!

Leave a Reply